I know it’s been a little bit since posting last. A lot of things in my life have been happening all at once! I know you understand when I say that. When life happens, it seems to come in a wave. Most of the time we aren’t fully prepared for what that wave will do to us or our life. So we try to hold on the best we can and ride it out waiting for the turmoil to end, because we know when it does, that’s when PEACE comes flooding back in and we can breathe again. We also have the assurance of his promise that he will never leave us and will carry us through. He is always with us.
Joshua 1:9: “Have not I commanded thee, Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
God wants us to depend on Him in those WAVE moments. He uses those to build our faith and trust in him. He knows the outcome of the situation and that what is waiting on the other side is bigger and better than what you have right now. That’s why it’s taking place because He doesn’t want us to stay in one place of comfort forever. He wants to build us up for His glory and what He wants us to be. He is above all things and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6-8: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”.
Recently, I have been in CNA training and I was so excited for the direction my life was going. I felt like I was on top of the world. My plan was to do CNA while going to nursing school for my RN. Since I already have two bachelors degrees, it wouldn’t be as much school to pursue RN. I also would be able to minister to others while working. I know this is the path that God has laid before me. I know he has given me this specific desire to work in a nursing home setting and to take care of the elderly.
So I passed my CNA class with an overall grade of 96. I took the written portion of my licensure and passed with flying colors. Then came the skills exam portion of the licensure. I have failed it twice. Yes, TWICE. Not because I don’t know it, but because both times I have received manual blood pressure as my measurement skill, and both times I have failed the number of the reading. Mind you, it’s one end of a stethoscope with two separate listening pieces. Your teacher and you listen at the same time while you pump up the cuff.
Then you have to write down your answer on a piece of paper (you can’t say it out loud or you fail) and your teacher has to write their answer on the other side of the room away from you. Once it’s written down that’s the final answer.
Well I can tell you I have passed every skill and every step of every skill (even all the steps for blood pressure) EXCEPT for the measurement (number example 110/80). If you fail this step, it’s an automatic fail of the skills exam. I cannot tell you the absolute devastation that I have been dealing with these past 2 weeks. I have been through the wave of emotions. I have doubted, cried my eyes out, questioned, confused, a little bit angry, and just plain sad.
I pleaded with God the second time I tested. I just knew I would pass it. I felt like my faith in Him was so strong and surely He would let this work out because He gave me this vision and direction. Then for it to be yanked out from underneath me and my vision to be turned upside down makes chaos and fear appear.
I even got a call from the hospital stating that my employment was terminated because I failed the second time. I do have ONE more attempt possible (if I fail the last attempt I would have to start over again and retake the whole class), but it has to be within the next 30 days. I had to pay for it and I have to drive to another location to take it.
The amount of devastation, work, studying, testing that I have done to be told it’s over unless you pass this last time, has been draining. I questioned God. Why? Why would you let this happen? Why would you let me go through all this? Why would you let me fall in love with this work especially during clinicals and give me the feeling happiness for this job if it’s not what I was supposed to do? Why do I keep getting BLOOD PRESSURE?! How come other people have failed the skills test and always get a different measurement skill on the retake but I have gotten the same measurement skill BLOOD PRESSURE twice?!
Apparently, it’s really never happened before to get that exact skill twice but of course there is always a first for everything. Yesterday, I jokingly said of course it would be me that this would happen to because I always feel like if something bad is going to happen it’s going to happen to me (insert pity party).
Well, after much crying, praying, seeking answers, I realized God never told me it was going to pass the first or second time. BUT, what He did show me was that it’s in His timing. He has a reason for everything. I just needed to hold onto him during this WAVE and wait for peace on the other side. It’s about building up my character, faith, trust, and resilience. He doesn’t want us to be comfortable all the time. He pushes us and molds us into the person He wants us to be (insert the potter and clay metaphor of molding us into His image – Isaiah 64:8: “But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you our potter, and all of us are the work of your hand”. )
Is there a lesson in here for me to learn? Absolutely. Just because my prayer doesn’t get answered the first or second time, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. It’s just not His timing yet. And trust me, He has a very good reason for it. I don’t know or understand what that reason is, but I just need to trust Him and follow with faith. He gave me these verses through this:
Mark 11:22-24
King James Version
22 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Psalm 27:14: “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”
Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Then said they, Howbeit that kind goeth not out, but by prayer and fasting.”
So here I sit on my couch writing this, waiting. Waiting on His timing, purpose, and will for me. I retest next Friday 12/19 for the final time. I am going to trust that He will bring me through. His plans for our lives can never be messed up or go wrong. He always has a purpose. A reason for the things He allows. I do know that my faith is being built up more and so is my trust in Him and maybe that was the point. He needed me to be ready in a certain way before I go into the position. Only He knows, but I have faith that He will be with me regardless.
In conclusion, we have to trust and have faith that He knows our circumstances and the outcome of those circumstances. We have to trust that He will bring us through and something bigger and better will be waiting for us according to His plan for our lives. We are stubborn and most of the time we don’t want to move out of our comfort zone (according to what we classify comfort zone in our mind and yet He knows it’s not our safety only going with Him is TRUE safety).
So remember this if you’re going through something similar or if this spoke to you, He is with you in all things, His love for you will NEVER fail, and He has a plan! So time to ride the WAVE!
Rooted in Redemption 